Confessions of a Jewish Bride

Editing, Editing and More Editing.

The most unglamorous and laborious part to writing a cookbook is the editing, specifically the recipe editing. There are so many styles to recipe writing, think about it like decorating, and no way is better than the other but each publishing house, or publication, or website (I am sure you are getting the point) has a style sheet. Now, much like morning sickness, which is not confined to the the AM hours, a style sheet is not really a single piece of paper but something closer in size to a small book. It details all the “house rules” for writing. And goes through the painful process of listing the mundane to obscure.

Things like:
“healthy” = person, plant, good-size amount; “healthful” = diet, lifestyle, food, drink
“garlic clove,” celery stalk,” “asparagus spears,” not the reverse (“clove garlic,” etc.)
ingredients without measurements = initial cap: Kosher salt
no “of” except with “pinch” or “dash”
fractions not decimals (5 1/2 ounces not 5.5)
halved/quartered — not cut in half/quarters
and then another 20 plus pages with more 1 line monotonous info like this.

Now there are editor types (like Sheilah and Paula, my beloved recipe editors), who love this stuff, eat it up, retain the info and mark up my files so that it looks like I’ve done almost nothing right. But for me – my eyes just glaze over and I fight to stay awake at 3am when editing.

For instance right now my entree chapter is 118 (double spaced – because those are house rules) pages long. So first I have to write up the recipes and keep referencing the style sheet in an effort to get things right the first time. And even when I think I’ve caught things, I undoubtedly revert back to my old style (VERY! different from my new publishers — I always said “cloves garlic!). Then I send off the files to Sheilah and Paula who I affectionately call “S+P”. They tag team and review because it’s almost impossible for one person to catch everything. They spend a number of days with the file and return it all marked up in red– looks like I failed a test, badly failed a test. Then I go through the days-long process of reviewing all their comments, accepting the ones that are straightforward, re-writing and revising my header notes and or directions if S+P didn’t find them clear enough or easy enough to follow. And then we go back and forth for weeks on minutia that actually matters to you — the end user.

With each book I think I spend the most time on editing — it’s more time than testing and more time than the photo shoot (which is surprisingly the shortest albeit most expensive part of making a book) and more time than writing the narrative. The months long recipe editing process that I am writing about now all takes place with my personal recipe editors BEFORE I submit the manuscript to the publisher. The publisher then has their own in-house editing team who I am sure are all excited to get their hands on the manuscript and make their own comments.

For the first time with this book my stories — my autobiographical narrative, the memoir part will also be edited. I am both nervous and excited to see what that process will be like. Unlike my recipe writing I am married to my stories. And I take great pains to tell the stories the way they actually happened. With recipe writing do you think I really care if it’s “cloves garlic” or “garlic cloves”? NO WAY Jose! But when it comes to my story I wonder what it will be like to see comments all over. Hopefully (I am dreaming here!) my editor won’t have too much to say. So far we are getting along fabulously, note we haven’t started the editing yet. But I do have really HIGH hopes.

If you all have any specific Qs that I have not addressed in the Making of a Cookbook Part 1, Part 2 or this one then just ask in the comments below. I am happy to answer or post in more detail about any behind-the-scenes cookbook aspects you are wondering about.

When writing a cookbook, there are lots and lots of moving parts.  Especially when writing one with a lot of narrative.  When I write a book it’s not just about recipes for me.  I write about everything. My books are part memoir, part autobiography, part diary – entirely about my life.

My tin o' tools. I just quickly wash the usual suspects after using and throw in this tin so I can quickly grab what I need.

The recipes have to be great, no doubt.  But the special part, the part that people really respond to, is all the other writing.  So I am really taking the time to include a lot of it right alongside tons of amazing recipes.  I want it to be equally great in both respects.  I want someone to be able to curl up on their couch and read this story.  The “writing” part is the fun part for me, the easier part, it just flows.  Middle of the night and middle of the day – while brushing my teeth or brushing my kids teeth if I think of a good line, a good story or something happens I just quickly shorthand it into my iPhone.  But when it comes to cooking it’s another story entirely.  It goes a little something like this.

Wooden spoons and mixing bowls, can never have enough

I painstakingly create an outline of the recipes broken up by chapter.  Based on what I’ve been wanting to develop and the feedback I’ve received here and in person.  Then I look at it all and try to achieve a balance within the recipes.  When I am writing this outline I usually have an idea about the flavor profiles and/or twist I am going to give a recipe to make it my own.  I also call all the people, friends, family, neighbors, whoever inspired me toward a particular idea or recipe because I tasted it or they spoke about it – and I jot down their notes.

First page of my big momma binder - the style sheet. Every publishing house has one. This time around it's totally different than how I've been writing my recipes until now. More on editing next week.

After I have this master outline – inevitably it’s 50% too long.  Books have a page count so they can be priced within a normal range.  As much as I’d like to include all my recipes that would inevitably end up in a 500 page book which would cost around $50, not good for anyone.

Top secret batter, mid mix. Can you guess what this is for?

So once I whittle down my list I get into the kitchen.  That’s when the disaster begins.  No, really it’s not all bad but it’s just so intense. Based on my deadlines I am developing the recipes in a crazy short 10-12 week period.  Which means on average I am doing about 20 recipes per week and when recipes turn out great the first time around and I am checking things off my list, flying and flitting from this dish to that I think to myself “this is a cinch, I’ll be done in no time”.  When a recipe is overdone or under-seasoned or my funky flavor profile doesn’t at all work, or it’s just plain uninteresting I want to cry, and sometimes I actually do.  Case in point l I am now on my 4th top of the rib trying to make one single amazing roast recipe.  For the love of G-d this next one has got to turn out right or I will need a day to recover, and I can’t afford a day.

When my hands are chapped from washing I use the tower of tins. Not good for the environment but help my hands from looking 90.

Each week I make a crazy long shopping list and organize it according to the layout of the store: Produce, Grocery, Meat, Freezer, Fridge/Dairy and then other.  Others are things not found in the store like wine, or a piece of equipment.  Today it’s a tube pan and spring form pan, I have a bundt pan not a tube pan — and you can make this recipe in a bundt but I really want to test it in a tube and can you believe it — I have worked my entire cooking career around not needing a spring form pan, until now.

I write my recipes first including measurements that I think will work.  Print them out and place them into my folder of in-progress recipes.  I have a big momma 3 ring binder for recipes that have been completed.  Meaning recipes that are covered in food, my chicken scratch testing notes and have been approved by my family and neighbors.  A recipe doesn’t get a 3 hole punch or go into the binder until it’s been entered into my master files on my computer.  Then I keep a copy in the binder for reference so I can see all my cross outs and notes in case I have a question about the evolution of a particular dish.  It’s like handwritten track changes.

Here's the big momma binder I was telling you about. This is just recipes. No writing!!!

This week I am playing catchup.  Before I reward myself and move onto desserts, my last(!!!) chapter, I have to go back and retest some 13, 14 recipes that just didn’t make the cut.  Some were obviously a bust and some were just eh eh but I want every recipe in this book to be amazing.  I need to be obsessed with the recipe in order for it to appear in the pages of this book.   So wish me luck as I work on a glaze for my turkey, an Asian inspired salmon, a complete protein vegetarian main, a crockpot dinner and tons more.  The piece de resistance, the bane of my existence – my grandparents’ chicken soup — I must get it right this week because I simply must, and because I am racing against the clock running toward Pesach trying to meet a deadline. I am a good 25 pounds of chicken into trying to figure this out – so pray for me.

The rumors are true. I am working on my 3rd book, thank G-d.

I have done many things in my life both personally and professionally. But writing a cookbook is one of the single most difficult of them all.

And even with that said I am so thankful to G-d that I have this opportunity once again.

So that explains why I have been writing a little less online these days because I really have been up to my eyeballs in recipe testing and book writing. I am writing and cooking and writing and cooking and writing some more. This is almost like a memoir — ok it most probably is a memoir. I am just waiting to deliver the first chapter to my editor and see what she says because I may be about 500 pages over count. I always joke about my first book that I wrote the book, a semi autobiography, and then was like “oh yeah, I need recipes here”. The joke, not haha funny, but ever so slightly humorous, stemmed from my lack of kitchen prowess. But now I am writing like crazy because I just have so much to say. I can’t explain it, it’s all just pouring out of me. I have written a huge chunk of this book on my iPhone in the middle of the night after not being able to fall back to sleep post feeding, pacifying, or re-situating baby.

I figured it would be fun to chronicle the making of the cookbook. What we like to call a BTS (behind the scenes) look at what goes into all of this. It ain’t easy as you will see, there are a lot of moving parts and dirty dishes and a few unwanted pounds as I taste-test my way through each chapter. I am scared to see what happens when I get to the dessert section. Seriously scared for my life, my skirt, my profile. But that’s not for another few weeks so as Hubby says, “wasted emotions” and “cross that bridge when you…” well, you know the rest.

Join me on this journey. It really helps to get some support from you all as I take this on again.

What’s the hardest thing, aside from parenting children, that you’ve ever done in your life?

My most memorable Purim is a scary scene.  Me with about 60 quarts of soup and 24 pounds of challah dough, crying like a baby at 2AM.
Let me explain.

When we moved to Monsey 5 years ago I really wanted to make a splash that first Purim.  The community had been so warm and welcoming and I really wanted to show my appreciation, by making all 60 families (or most of them) mishloach manos.  Since I didn’t grow up in a family that made mishloach manos, or much of anything in the kitchen, when I first got married I frantically attempted to pull something together, at the last minute, only after my husband reminded me Purim was tomorrow.  So I borrowed a page from my friend Anita’s book and bought every purple food I could find left on the supermarket shelf through it all in a bag and attached a card wishing everyone a “Grape Purim.”  Boy was I ever proud of myself.  No really, I was proud.

A couple years later we move to Monsey and almost every neighbor stopped by with cupcakes or invited us over for a Shabbos meal.  It was the warmest non-stop welcome wagon in the history of mankind.  Now here is where you remark “but Jamie, you haven’t spoken to all of mankind”  and here is where I say “but it really felt like that, do you have to take me oh-so-literally?!”

So back to the warm and fuzzy welcome wagon.  By the time Purim rolled around I felt like I had yet to repay all those lovely neighbors of mine.  Brainstorm…show them all I care with a special homemade shalach munis aka mishloach manot.  That year Purim fell out on Erev Shabbos so I went all certifiable with my theme and decided that each sweetheart of a neighbor deserved a fresh baked challah roll (kneaded that 24 pounds of dough BY HAND!) a quart of chicken soup (used ALL the pots in my kitchen) and then’ cause I didn’t want to make things too hard (really ’cause I ran out of steam) I threw in one of those cute small bottles of Kedem grape juice (I was hoping they would have a grape Purim, even if I now knew better not to write it on the card).

Well, I forgot I was supposed to hear Megillah reading, I forgot I had 3 small kids almost 3, almost 2 and 5 months, and I forgot that certain things should not be tried at home, under pressure, the night of Purim.  Hubby calmly talked me off that ledge,  I don’t believe I slept, everyone got their challah and soup and stuff but I promised myself, actually Hubby made me promise to the family…never ever again.

So now I started a new custom.  Since I don’t always get to deliver cookies or cupcakes as much as I plan to, or invite the new family over for a shabbos meal, as much as I want to, I use Purim as the opportunity to bring them something special. ”Them” of course being that new family on the block or those neighbors I haven’t had a chance to get to know as well.  I go down that list and make only 20-30 mishloach manot that can be prepped in advance,  stored in my cold garage and that don’t require all 5 of my burners.  Go pick up the latest Joy of Kosher magazine for my tri-colored hummus and pita crisp shalach manos.  Look, if I run out of time  and can’t make the crisps I can always just give them the bag of pitas and I still think I’ll make some new friends.  To print your own Purim Cards click here.

What’s your favorite or not so favorite Purim memory?  This is an equal opportunity call for comments.

Chag Sameach!

OMG I am rolling. I just made 20 pounds of challah. DID YOU READ THAT?! TWENTY!!!! POUNDS. Testing sweet and savory “challah” and “challah-esque” recipes for my new book. I am swearing off carbs for a year, or, well, at least a week, for sure until the end of today. One of my many goals in life is to see how many different things I can make out of my challah dough.

Here’s a recap of what I’ve done with it to date — plus a special PB&J challah somethin’ from Hadassah.

Recipes:

Challah Dough
Onion Pockets
Garlic Knots
Cinnamon Buns
Onion and Thyme Challah Rolls
Individual Apple Stuffed Challah
PB&J Babka Buns

Videos:

The Best Challah Dough
How to Make a Crown Shaped  Challah
How to Make a Six Braid Challah – Part One, Part Two
How to Make Onion Pockets
How to Make Garlic Knots
How to Make Cinnamon Buns

What do you do with your challah dough? I would love to pull together 101 ideas for the site. Help us get there. Leave a comment below and submit your actual recipe here. Here’s to washing and bentching!

Just feel like writing now. I know it’s been a while. Have actually been kinda stressed. There is a reason superwoman and her superman are imaginary characters – it’s all just not possible. I am stressed to the point that I am now (as I am typing) eating an entire box of mini cream-filled sponge cakes. It’s a Weight Watchers box but I am pretty sure their intention was not to eat the entire box at once, probably why they individually wrapped each one. SO frustrating now that I am trying to eat them all (while typing). I can stop at any time, you know (just as soon as I finish this box).

I should get the mother of the year award for the yummy din din I made last night (considering all the stress)- the Cranberry Walnut Salmon over Wilted Spinach from my second book Quick & Kosher Meals in Minutes*. Um.. the kiddies including my two year old who can’t even speak “asked” for seconds! Yay! Getting your kiddies to love salmon really should get me some kinda trophy don’t you think? I have two small pieces of salmon left in the fridge which I really should eat instead of struggling with this Fort Knox faux twinkie plastic wrap. But when I am stressed all I can think of is cream and cake. You do know that STRESSED is DESSERTS spelled backwards?!

What do you eat when you are stressed? Let me know in the comments below. At least let me know you also like cake. No one, not even me, likes to eat cake alone!

*please note: the salt measurement is off in the book, it should be 1/2 teaspoon salt NOT 2 tablespoons!

Kimpeturin. When I first heard that Yiddish word, I was totally confused. First of all, it sounds like a plural, but it actually refers to a woman (in the singular) recovering from childbirth. And it’s a term just loaded with compassionate implications: you take pains not to stress out this woman; she’s not expected to shlepp the laundry; and you cut her some slack when it comes to emotional triggers. Point being that new mommies can use a little (ok, a lot) of help from their friends, neighbors, in-laws, anybody! Doesn’t matter if the new baby is your first or if you have a house full of kids, getting it all together ain’t easy.

In our wonderful Jewish communities, aid comes in all forms – gifts of baby essentials, babysitting so the new mommy can nap, or help with din-din. I’ve also heard of a lady who comes over just to sort the laundry. What a G-dsend!

Whether or not you normally love to cook, it’s nice to be off for a while. So, quite often, the community steps up to the plate (literally). A kind-hearted soul organizes the volunteer services of other kind-hearted souls to bring you and your family supper. Every night, the doorbell rings and it’s a fun surprise to see what’s cookin’. This happens wherever Jewish women live: from Boro Park to Beit Shemesh, to Teaneck, LA, Toronto, London, Brussels, Sao Paolo, Johannesburg, Hong Kong. It’s what we do.

If, for some reason, such a “program” is not in place where you live, now’s the time for you to start one. If people feel a little overwhelmed – “What should I cook? What foods do they like?” – I say, stress-nisht.

It’s simple if you follow a few rules. Here are mine:

1. It’s All About the Kids
Unless it’s the couple’s first baby, the biggest help you can give is something the kids will actually eat. This is not the time to impress the couple with your culinary prowess. It’s not a help if after opening up 3 tins of miso-glazed sea bass, Mommy has to make noodles with ketchup for the kids. And make sure you find out if there are any foods you should avoid due to allergies or any other, “I won’t eat this!” biases. When I had my daughter, my neighbor, Beth, sent over pizza: she used the store-bought dough (I hope!) and just topped it with sauce and shredded cheese. And you know what – there wasn’t a crumb left! I often send over a creamy baked ziti with corn on the cob or other kid-friendly sides. My go-to chicken is Duck Sauce Chicken or my Honey Mustard Chicken (from my new book Quick & Kosher Meals in Minutes). Fresh baked chicken that’s finger-lickin’ sweet wins the kiddies any day. Happy kiddies means happy new mommy.

2. Don’t Experiment
If you know the family appreciates experimentation, fine. (People who know me feel free to send things like Moroccan chickpea and spinach soup, baked herb and peppercorn gefilte fish, and glazed carrot soup, and I loved every bit of it.) But when I send to others, I stick to the basics like classic gefilte fish, chicken soup and herb roasted potatoes.

3. Don’t Dress the Salad
You have no clue when the family will sit down to eat. If it’s hours after you send the food, the dressed vegetables will be a soggy mess. Always send the dressing in a separate container. I even go so far as to pack all the veggies separately, so they can toss and dress to order and keep any leftovers for later use.

4. Cut Fruit for Dessert is Deeply Appreciated
The new mom is likely to be super-sensitive about losing her baby weight and loves to see her brood eating healthy desserts, so nix the brownies, cookies and cakes. I love sending over fresh cut or sliced fruit. It keeps nicely and Mom can always pack it for school snacks the next day.

5. Announce Yourself in Writing
Nothing too elaborate, just a note to let the family know who provided the meal. Often a housekeeper or visiting relative will accept the food at the door and the new mother will be clueless about who to call if she has any questions (Is this pareve? Did you know about Yossi’s peanut allergy? etc.) I usually write a little “Mazal tov from the Gellers” on the tins or bag I deliver.

Remember, when you do this mitzvah, it’s not just good for the new mom – it’s good for you. And it’s great for your kids to see you to giving back to the community, too. I usually involve my children in helping to cook or deliver the meals. It’s never too early to start training children in this easy, yet important, chessed.

You know my grandparents really knew how to cook. It seems to me that everyone born in “the Old Country” (in this case, Transylvania) was born with built-in cooking intuition. Somehow, they could create the most scrumptious meals using no fancy equipment, nor even measuring spoons. I recall that they hosted every holiday humbly, turning out the expected delicacies with what seemed like the simplest, most relaxed effort. No exotic flavor profiles, nor food combos or wine pairings; no attempts at reinventing the wheel, because when the food is that good – no, make that superb – there’s no need to find a “twist” on the recipe.

On Chanukah, we were treated to their potato pancakes, “latkes” that were classic and simple. My grandfather, a professional chef, wore a manly white waist apron that suited him perfectly. His latkes were made of eggs, onions, potatoes, oil, salt, pepper, and a little matzo meal to make them crunchy. “Corn meal, that’s also good, if you don’t have any matzo meal,” he would say reassuringly, though you knew that he secretly wondered what kind of kitchen would not have a handful of matzo meal somewhere. The potatoes were hand-grated so fine –almost to a pudding-like consistency – then lightly fried in a pan that looked as though it, too, had just come over from the Old Country. Applesauce and sour cream traditionally accompany latkes, but who needed them? Crispy on the edges, with a fluffy, buttery smooth center, Grandpa’s version of this Chanukah delicacy could stand alone.

The first Chanukah after my wedding, I called my grandfather for his latke recipe. He gave it to me with “measurements” like “a sprinkle of salt, a few spoons of matzo meal, some oil…” All the while, I wished I had watched him in action when he was in his prime. I could have taken notes, measured out the amounts he used, studied his grating technique.

But I was on my own. Tasked with recreating Grandpa’s latkes, I tried and failed, tried and failed – until I finally produced something that is reminiscent of his glorious, crunchy potato perfection. The recipe went into my first published cookbook, Quick & Kosher: Recipes from the Bride Who Knew Nothing. I have reprinted these Classic Potato Latkes here and created a how-to video that you can watch below so you can see how easy it is to make.

My husband and kids say these latkes are the best in the world. They are very good, but they’re not my Grandfather’s. Maybe it’s my food processor and that fancy-shmancy skillet.

Chanukah Giveaway!!
Because it’s almost Chanukah I want to give you a chance to win a gorgeous gift basket (pictured below) of Chanukah-themed decorated cookies and brownie bites from M&M Designs - Designer Creations for Life’s Sweetest Occasions. Whether you’re looking for a special gift or planning a celebration…their uniquely decorated edibles taste as amazing as they look. These products are under OU supervision. This gift basket that they are giving away has a retail value of $85 and you have a chance to win it!  Please leave me a comment below sharing your favorite Chanukah memory. Entrants must be over 18 and legal US residents. Contest ends Monday Dec 19 2011 at 9 pm EST. One winner will be picked by online randomizer from qualifying entries.

CONTEST NOW CLOSED BUT PLEASE KEEP LEAVING YOUR FAVORITE CHANUKAH MEMORIES!!

Wild & crazy.

As I write this in my Rockland County home, there are bears on the loose in my neighborhood. Not 1, not 2, but 3 bears, and they are not cuddly and they are not going for a harmless stroll while their porridge cools. They’re big, black, and one was just spotted digging into my neighbor’s garbage just 3 blocks away. AHHHH! Check out this video.

I’m a city girl. When I moved here, I didn’t know that the police simply issue a “warning” when something like this happens. I guess they figure that when you live “in the country,” it’s ok have an occasional wild turkey, deer or bear peering into your windows. It goes with the territory – oy vey iz mir.

Meanwhile, my friend Anita (you can meet her here), Rabbi Lawrence’s wife, takes it all with true pioneering spirit. Gitta neshamah (good soul) that she is, on Shabbos she calmly walked someone over a mile home because that someone was scared of walking alone for fear of encountering the bears. She packed the bottom of her baby’s stroller with a broom, a 10-inch kitchen knife, a pot and a rock. Who does she think she is, Davy Crockett? Was she planning on using those weapons against three bears? Or perhaps cook them a meal? Should I look for a saner friend?

Anyway, I’m not that chivalrous. I kept my family securely locked inside– had a zoo of my own for a while there, with 4 neighborhood kids joining my 5. (At one point, I thought I might be able to handle the bears better than this balagan.)

Till the bears are gone for good, I am housebound, cooking with the kids, and enjoying hot cocoa as well as these other goodies.

Spicy Hot Cocoa
Roasted Pumpkin Pizza with Caramelized Onions and Ricotta
One-skillet dinners
And Pumpkin Pie with Caramel Whipped Cream.

If you were housebound for a few days, what delicious dishes would you be whipping up?

Nothing juicy about this confession.

Just an honest answer to a common question.

People come up to me and say, “Seen your posts, your books, your videos…” Then with a little wink, “…So what do you actually cook most of the time?”

So I’ll fess up. I go through stages and have my faves, stuff that I love to cook, stuff that I have ready Shabbos after Shabbos, no matter who comes a knockin’ on my door. I don’t care if our guest is the six-year-old from down the block or the Prime Minister of Israel – here’s what they’ll get at my house these days (in no particular order).

Sesame Cucumber Salad – I originally developed this as a side to the Teriyaki Beef Banh Mi. It’s simple, light, elegant. And now starring on my Shabbos table, solo. I play it up too, showcasing it in a pretty crystal serving dish. The cucumber ribbons garnished with black sesame seeds look divine.

California Avocado Salad – a real staple for eons! The avocado adds both a creaminess and gorgeous green pop of color. But a few Shabbosim ago Hubby searched high and low for me, going to store after store and guess what? Nary a ripe avocado in sight! So I stole a trick out of my neighbor Adina’s bag– in place of avocados she adds shelled edamame (from the freezer section – defrosted of course) for a punch of green color. But the real secret to this salad is the dressing. These “exotic” oils and vinegars are now staples in my pantry: toasted sesame oil, rice vinegar and ume plum vinegar (ume plum is a Japanese fruit). To know them is to love them.

Corn Flake Crusted Chicken – I came up with this for the kiddies, but it’s a total family and guest favorite – and perfect for Shabbos day. Okay, so in my second book, Quick & Kosher Meals in Minutes I say to bake ‘em, but lately I prefer them fried. And yes, I actually crush real corn flakes instead of using the ready-made corn flake crumbs from a canister. A nine-year-old Shabbos guest squealed with delight when she tasted this dish, “Oooh, Mommy, there’s cereal on this chicken – YAY!” Every grown-up at the table was thinking the same thing. Takes a kid to say it.

Mini Blueberry Lemon Tarts – no oven! And so cute – light, refreshing, slightly (and I mean slightly, not over the top sugary) sweet. Everyone asks for this recipe, and then they can’t believe how simple it is. Thank you, G-d, for creating mini tart shells!

Family Heirloom Chulent – Hubby’s specialty and it even made the New York Times. (Yet they gave me credit for the recipe!) We make this every Shabbos, even in the summer. It ain’t Shabbos without it.

Salmon Croquettes with Tropical Fruit Salsa – originally developed for Pesach, this is my year round staple now. The salmon croquettes are actually best served fresh, straight from the fry pan. So I prep them beforehand, keep them in the fridge as raw patties, and then fry them up just before Shabbos for the evening meal. I much prefer them on a yuntif, though, so I can serve them from the pan to the platter. For Shabbos day though I have taken to serving the tropical fruit salsa with my chilled salmon recipe from my first book Quick & Kosher Recipes From The Bride Who Knew Nothing. Chilled salmon fillets are the perfect swap out for Shabbos day meals or for when I’m feeling especially lazy and not in patty mode. My oldest daughter (who is only 6, mind you) was shocked, shocked by this substitution! “Mommy! How can you serve the tropical fruit salsa with chilled salmon? It’s supposed to go with the croquettes!” Never thought I’d have to answer to a kid food critic right in my own kitchen, but there it was.

Green Bean and 3-Onion Sauté– I love this hot or cold. The green beans have the perfect crunch, the onions and garlic are caramelized and sweet. Personally, I prefer to I omit the red pepper flakes and just go with a finish of kosher salt. Perfection on a platter

Sun-dried Tomato Caesar – I whip up a quadruple batch of my dressing and chop an entire jar of sun-dried tomatoes in oil so that I have this salad ready to go at a moment’s notice, weekday and Shabbos.

Challah Dough Cinnamon Buns have also been creeping in a bit too much for my waistline, but not too much for my taste buds.

Not a Shabbos passes without fresh challah loaded with everything topping. I even sometimes serve extra “everything topping” for dipping! And here’s a hot tip: try zaatar, kosher salt and olive oil as a dipping treat for your challah.

So these are my recent Shabbos faves — what are yours?

People have actually said to me that they envy how organized and clean my kitchen looks. And they figure that I’m naturally neat and proper, always putting everything in its place.

It’s an illusion, people. While I wouldn’t go so far as to say it’s a camera trick – my kitchen really does look that way, most of the time – I have decided to come clean. This will make us both feel a whole lot better.

Let’s go back to my first apartment in Far Rockaway. When I would do a lot of Shabbos entertaining and the dishwasher would be packed to the brim, I would shove all my dirty dishes into the oven. Hey, it got them out of sight, and I could still use the countertops and sink. Deep down, I was probably hoping for some kind of miracle: when we would open that oven door after Shabbos, the dishes would be sparkling clean! (It never happened. I learned that an oven will never, ever transform into a dishwasher.) Anyway, as you’ve probably guessed by now, there was many a Sunday when I would turn on the oven to preheat it and – what’s that funny smell? Ah, the aroma of dirty dishes at 375°!

Well, now I’m all grown up and moved into a house with such a fancy shmancy kitchen that I have a nice-sized dishwasher, extra deep sinks and a section of my countertop where I can stack things and still have the workspace I need throughout Shabbos. No need to use the oven for storage. So in the last 4+ years we have lived in this house, I haven’t indulged in the Sunday morning dirty dish cook-off.

Until now.

Last Shabbos I hosted Yaffa, a person I love and to whom I will be forever indebted (‘cuz she introduced me to Hubby). She came to spend the entire Shabbos with us, along with her hubby and five of her (seven) kids. I really wanted to do it up right and make some special things. Maybe I went a bit overboard and maybe I procrastinated a little — okay a lot – so I was working up to the very last minute.

There I was, just minutes before candle-lighting, with a ton of pots and pans and dirty spatulas and mixing spoons. I don’t want to load up my dishwasher, because I’ll need that for all the dirty Shabbos dishes. Panic sets in. I must get those pots out of sight! Then I remember and thank G-d for the OVEN trick. I hurriedly load all the stuff in the oven, close the door, and voila — a clean kitchen! Just how I like it; no mess, no stress.

So went on with my life.

Two days later I have a house full of people: we are shooting new episodes of my cooking show and I am preheating my oven for the first episode.

I start to look for my spatula for the first dish. I cannot find a single spatula (Hello — I have 3!), and I’m missing other key utensils. Then people start sniffing. Uh, Jamie, what’s that funny smell?

Déjà vu! After 4 years, the meaning of that strange odor comes back to me and I race to the oven. Folks, let me tell you that burning plastic has a tang all its own. I found my spatula — split in half and melting onto the cookie sheet and dripping down my sauté pan and onto my oven grates. I cheerfully announced that ruining a half dozen cooking utensils in one fell swoop is a great reason to stock up on the newest stuff.

And that is how I came to be in the market for new spatulas, and plan to buy myself a whole lot of great new gadgets I may never use. Listen, one cannot question the deep workings of fate. I think I was due for a kitchen upgrade anyway.

***Giveaway***

Enter for a chance to win 1 box of each of 5 flavors of Power of Fruit bars.  All you have to do is tell me in the comments what kitchen gadget I should splurge on while shopping for new spatulas. For more info on this product and contest rules click here.

You must be a US resident aged 18 or over.  Contest Ends Wednesday August 10th 2011 at 9 am EST.

THIS CONTEST IS NOW CLOSED – WINNER TO BE ANNOUNCED SHORTLY

When I was growing up, we didn’t make a big deal about Father’s Day. We would have a cake or dinner out, but we generally adhered to Dad’s annual admonition, “please don’t spend my money to get me a gift.” In fact, he was always of the mind to get my mom and sister and me to stop spending money.

This year, I was thinking of buying him a Father’s Day gift I saw in a Jewish catalogue: It’s a money clip that says “GELT.” I know he would like it more if it said “Don’t Spend This Gelt.” Then I thought the wiser and decided he wouldn’t want me to spend my gelt on shtus (nonsense) like that. So I turned the page.

So I’m sticking with the under-$25 picture of my kiddies on a mug gift. (He really does appreciate that. I should know. I give him one every year.) And I’m making a special BBQ in his honor. Uh-hum, correction: Hubby is making the special BBQ because he grills the best steaks, burgers and dogs this side of El Paso. Daddy loves a great piece of meat, just like Hubby. Come to think of it, Hubby also doesn’t love when I spend so much gelt. There’s a pattern here, folks. Anyway, I will supplement the menu with some manly salads and sides for Hubby and Dad and some not-so-manly ones for my sister and me. I know Dad will love it.

I can’t say Dad is ever too surprised when I do something well, because he expects great things from me! The fact is that he gave me the confidence to believe in myself, and the gumption to do anything and everything I ever wanted. For that — and for teaching me how to ride a bike and how to drive a car (“Look where you’re going! Look where you’re going!”) I want to say thank you.

I looked where I was going, Dad — and now, see where I am. I Love You!

So here’s my question of the day for all of you out there (Answer below and you can win a prize): When you look back on your life, for what can you thank your father?

***CONTEST DETAILS*** – Answer Jamie’s question “When you look back on your life, for what can you thank your father?” in the comments below for a chance to win a 4lb case of 100% Grass Fed, 85% lean Grassland Range Ground Beef from Glatt Kosher KOL Foods. Contest Ends Thursday June 23 2011 at 9 am EST. Contest open to East Coast US Residents only. One winner will be chosen at random. Good Luck!!

It was my second Rosh Hashanah as a married woman, and I decided that I actually wanted to cook something. If you know my history as Queen of Take-Out, you understand the magnitude of such a decision. At that stage, I was beginning to fill the cooking void in my soul, and I wanted to try something fancy. I made wontons filled with ground meat and dropped them into my chicken soup. So beyond the traditional matzo ball, I thought happily. And I had a good measure of beginner’s luck too, because it actually worked. everyone oohed and ahhed as though I had produced something truly exotic.

Vegetarian Wonton Soup

Well, as life moved on, my head got filled with so many other things and I forgot all about that little success. This memory just slipped my mind until now. Now that I am more experienced, I realize how many things could have gone wrong.

Chocolate Raspberry Wonton

Anyone who has tried to fill a wonton knows that the trick is keeping it from bursting open. The last thing you want is that filling spilling out. I’ve progressed so much since my newlywed days, and thanks to the new Gefen wontons, that come in both square and round shapes I’ve had about as much fun as a person should experimenting with every technique for keeping that filling in place. Oh the wonder of it all!

Three Cheese Wonton Ravioli

So here’s my most important wonton tip: an egg wash really works best to seal the wontons. When you use the egg wash, don’t completely soak the wonton; just a light brushing will do the trick. Also, press the air out around the filling so there’s no extra space between the filling and wonton. Press very firmly (using a fork also works well). My recipe testers and I used all of these tricks just recently on a new Potato Cheddar Pierogi recipe and not a single one leaked! What simchah!

Potato Cheddar Pierogi

Here are 5 rad wonton recipes I know you will enjoy. Vegetable Wonton Soup is so light and pretty and my 3-Cheese Wonton Ravioli recipe is just the smartest shortcut to “homemade” ravioli. Another cheesy dish – Potato Cheddar Pierogis – is oh so formal and impressive. A cool idea for parties (or anytime!) are Wonton Chips paired with an Edamame Dip. And for a sweet little dessert, try my recipe for Chocolate Raspberry Wontons – absolute heaven!

I confess that up to this point in life I have been making lo mein with thin linguine noodles. Well, no more! I now have Gefen Lo-Mein Noodles and another cool new Gefen product, Japanese style noodles. Getting just the right taste and authentic texture in lo mein just became a whole lot easier. Why use Italian pasta for an Asian dish?

It doesn’t get simpler than this, folks. The Gefen noodles come frozen and there’s no need to defrost. Just throw them into a pot of boiling water for 2 – 3 minutes. They cook up quicker than most traditional pasta, so watch the pot carefully. This is no time to go pay your bills, wash your hair, or get into that long overdue conversation with your significant other. More than a couple minutes in boiling water and these will become mushy; you want perfect al dente noodles. (Whoops, pardon my Italian!)

There are so many great ideas I developed for the Gefen lo mein and Japanese style noodles – aside from the authentic and expected quick & kosher Veg Lo Mein. If chicken is your pleasure, choose from Chilled Chicken Noodle Salad or Pesto Pasta with Chicken. If there’s a beef lover in your family, try the Teriyaki Beef Noodles. If you love salmon, you must try my Spicy Salmon over Sesame Noodles.

And if you’ve got a good case of spring fever and want to go veggie, my Spring Pasta Primavera or Sesame Scallion Lo-Mein Pancakes bring all the goodness of spring vegetables right into your kitchen! This is the season to go Asian!

Picture me and my mom baking brownies together in her cozy kitchen. I am about five years old, with long pigtails, smiling ecstatically as I smear frosting over the brownies, my clothes and my face. Mom is wearing her favorite baking apron – the one with the little pictures of mixing spoons and bowls — and beaming at her little pastry chef. She’s proud to pass on the secret family recipe for perfect brownies to a daughter who will treasure it.

Got that firmly in your mind? Good. It’s the only way you’ll see such a picture because it doesn’t exist and that sweet little scene never happened. That’s because my mother (who is a fantastic mom in just about every way) is kitchen-phobic to the point that she tried to build our house without That Room. She settled for placing it off to the side of the house by the garage so she would never have to walk through it. And she succeeded in passing on her aversion to all things culinary (except take-out food) to Yours Truly. Neither of us was likely to win a Domestic Diva of the Year award.

That was then. So life takes funny turns and I wind up not only learning to cook and bake to feed my family, I turn it into a full time occupation, well you know…

So while I can’t share my mother’s tips for the fluffiest soufflé or the softest brisket, I can share her undying encouragement for anything I decided to take on – basketball, my bachelor’s degree or baking. I am now married just over 7 years and she does not miss a beat when it comes to complimenting my new recipes, or even commenting on the perfect piece of fish or lightest slice of challah. I have to hand it to her. For a mother who never pictured her educated, mega-career oriented, 21st century daughter as a Yiddishe balabusta, it’s a wonder that she’s so enthusiastic about my choices and achievements. But she is – and she is truly proud. She tells everyone I am “the best cook,” and she says it with buoyancy that proclaims that I’ve reached the pinnacle of her aspirations for me.

My mother never gave me any priceless heirloom recipes. But she instilled confidence and gave me unconditional support and love and positive reinforcement at every turn. And that is more valuable than kitchen tips; I can learn those from anyone. Happy Mother’s Day, Mom!

GIVEAWAY!!!!! In honor of Mother’s Day we have an awesome giveaway for you! But you have to be quick – contest is over in 24 hours!! You can win a gift basket (for yourself or to send to your mom) of delicious gourmet goodies from Kosher Care Packages – including 1 lb. of custom ground French Roast coffee, 6 assorted Exceptional Brownies, over 1 lb. of dried fruits and nuts and 1/2 lb of milk chocolate pansies. This gift basket contains dairy and pareve items which are certified by one of the following: OU, OK, OU-D, Kof K-D. This gift basket is worth $80.00!

In order to enter leave your answer to the following question in the comments – What’s your fondest childhood reminiscence of your mother? Only one entry per person, ONE winner will be picked at random from qualifying comments. Contest is open to US residents only. Contest closes Wednesday May 4th 2011 at 9am. Good Luck!!
***GIVEAWAY EXTENDED 12 HOURS – CONTEST CLOSES Wednesday May 4th 2011 at 9 PM***

I usually tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth, and this time I did not disappoint. I stayed true to my promise and 99% of what I made for the 8-day kitchen yuntif known as Passover were not actually Pesach recipes. Of course they were K for P, but they didn’t require any major Passoverish ingredient tweaks. These recipes were developed with Pesach in mind and they were featured in the Pesach issue of my new magazine, Joy of Kosher with Jamie Geller. But you can bet they’ll be staples in my year round repertoire ‘cuz they were super easy and got the most oohs and ahhs. Ok, real gourmet chefs don’t keep a tally of how many people flipped over this or that dish, but I really need to know. The winners on my menu get to come back and try for eternal stardom. This year, they are… drum roll, please…

• Salmon Croquettes with Tropical Fruit Salsa
You can make this even easier by skipping the fresh salmon and using good quality canned salmon.

• Zucchini and Red Bell Pepper Saute
Shamelessly simple and super beautiful, it is pleasing to the eye and to the palate. Audience applause told me that the zucchini actually tasted better when prepped this way.

• Pomegranate Braised Brisket
So tender and so sweet, this piece of meat just melts in your mouth, not in your hand!

If you didn’t get a chance to try these on Pesach, try them now and let me know if you will be working these into your everyday life. I really hope so. I love when we all agree on things.

So picture this…

I am married for three years and had yet to make a Pesach Seder. Each year, we had been able to go to a relative or a hotel, where someone else did all the cooking and Passover prep. I was living in a fool’s paradise, but I didn’t know it.

But in year 4, we bought a house and all the usual Seder invitations just faded away. We had no willing relatives who would let us crash at their place: this one had made Aliyah; another will be visiting family in London; another was going on a Passover cruise to – was it Antarctica? Pretty sneaky of them, we thought, but there it was. We had been abandoned; and there was no budget for a mini-vacation in a K for P hotel.

The die was cast: It was our turn to grow up, create Pesach in our own kitchen, and even host a few guests. You can imagine the stress of being home for the Sedarim and cooking for Pesach for the first time in my life. Trying to stay calm, I made lists and lists. Then I made a list of my lists, in case I should lose any of them.

And I thought I was doing pretty well. We “turned over” the kitchen from crumby chometzdik to nice, clean Pesachdik about a week prior to the holiday. I was cooking every day and freezing stuff like a Pesach pro. I left only one special time-consuming task for the day of the Seder: making my great aunt Zahava’s Passover egg noodles.

So I’m sitting there erev Pesach, all relaxed, making the noodles and smiling to myself. Why does everyone make such a big deal about the Seder? This is a cinch!

And then it dawns on me, more like a sudden electrical surge than enlightenment: there’s more to the Seder than just the meal – there’s, well, the Seder! So I’m scampering around the kitchen, searching for a charoses recipe that I tucked away somewhere, and wondering if I even have all the ingredients. Next, I’m pondering how much salt to put in the salt water. Then I boil up my 10,000th potato. Gotta dip the potato, right? Or is it celery? So I grab a bunch of celery and start chopping and then I think, was it both? Is both ok? I’d better have both on hand, just in case. Oh gosh, the zroah! What do you use for a zroah and how do you roast the darn thing? And an egg too – how do you roast an egg without it exploding all over the place?

Well, I wound up getting the charoses recipe and its ingredients, plus some calm words of wisdom from a (highly amused) neighbor, G-d bless her. And by the time I breathlessly sat down to the Seder – more like sliding into home plate – I had everything in place, sort of.

That was several years ago. We’re staying home this year, as we’ve done for the past few years, and we’ll be hosting two guests of honor: my mother and my mother-in-law. If I can handle the convergence of Passover and two mothers, I can handle anything.

I know a lot of people who go to friends or family and manage to avoid making their own Seder for years on end. But maybe this year, your usual invitations evaporated, or you’re soon expecting a new baby, or you have a newborn and she’s your eighth, and you figure it’s easier to stay home than to pack up eight kids and shlep down to the in-laws.

So if you’re making your first Seder, I can do more than sympathize. I remember what my first Pesach was like and I can give you solid help. I would have given anything, even Aunt Zahava’s noodles, for a list like this. It goes in order of Seder use.

Seder Stuff Checklist:

✓ Wine
You’ll need enough wine to provide each adult Seder participant with a minimum of four 3-ounce glassfuls. Ask your rabbi if 3-ounces is sufficient (opinions vary), and then do the math. If you use special cups, measure their volume capacity to see how much they hold, as you’re supposed to fill the cup to the top and drink it all. It could be considerably more than three ounces. How much and what you buy also depends on who is at your table. If you have a number of people who prefer less alcohol – and here, it’s not only female type people, but also males who want to stay awake – you might go for a “kal” or “kalil” variety, which is usually about 4% alcohol. Hardier souls may want the full 12% (and up) wine, but be careful not to have overly sweet stuff, as four cups of that it will hit the stomach pretty hard, not to mention the brain. Then there’s always grape juice. It’s considered preferable to have red wine, not white. (For more details on wine vs grape etc… ask your local rabbi)

✓ Karpas Veggie
Ok – here you have to ascertain (or establish) your family custom. This is where we dip the veggie in salt water, which symbolizes the tears shed in slavery. Some people use boiled potatoes, some use celery or parsley, and there are other customs too. You don’t need much, because each person is only supposed to have a little bit, actually less than a k’zayis – an Israeli olive, which is fairly large as olives go, but it’s still just an olive. (When you’re Jewish, you get used to measuring in olives.)

✓ Salt Water
Any kind of salt will do; and you don’t have to make the water taste like an ocean, just recognizably salty. Taste test before the Seder to avoid nasty experiences.

✓ Matzoh
You’ll need a lot of this, so stock up. The person leading the Seder needs a minimum of three whole matzohs, but some rabbinic opinions involve supplementing the amounts for some of the Seder rituals. Usually, it in involves eating at least half a matzoh for the steps of Motzie Matzoh and Korech. So ask. It’s really important to know how much matzoh you’ll really need when the time comes. Every person at the Seder will eat the specified amount, so you need a few pounds of matzoh on hand.

Here’s a tip: Since the person (or people) with a Seder plate and three matzohs must start with shleimim – unbroken matzohs – it’s a good idea for someone to go through the matzoh boxes before Pesach, separating the shleimim from the broken or questionable matzohs. Put all the perfect ones in one box so you can find them easily when you need them.

✓ Marror/ Bitter Herb Veggie
Use Romaine lettuce, endives, fresh ground horseradish or whatever your family custom mandates. Granted, lettuce and endives are not really bitter, but a custom is a custom, and I won’t argue. The horseradish, on the other hand, is a real trip. It’s hard to calculate how much you’ll need, because these can be used in combination to satisfy the Marror requirement. You’ll need it for the sandwich (Korech) too. For a table of twelve, we use about two heads of Romaine and half of one good size grated horseradish per Seder. But I’m the first to admit that it’s anybody’s guess, and you could get stuck with leftover horseradish.

✓ Charoses
Another dip – this time it’s Marror into a combination of diced apples, cinnamon, nuts, ginger and wine (well at least that’s the popular Ashkenazi version). It’s supposed to look like the mortar used in building, another symbol of slavery. Don’t put the wine in before the Seder, as it is usually added just before the big dip. There are lots of recipes for charoses; you could probably try a new one every year for a few decades. You don’t need very much of the stuff, so one large apple is usually enough, along with proportionate amounts of the other ingredients.

✓ Zroah
You don’t eat this. It’s the broiled meat placed on the Seder plate, purely to symbolize the Korban Pesach, the Paschal Lamb, which was a sharp, in-your-face negation of Egyptian idolatry. Since the destruction of the Holy Temple in Jerusalem, we do not do the Paschal Lamb, so this is just a reminder. Some people use a lamb shank bone, others use a chicken neck. One shortcut in the prep is to stick it in the oven to bake or roast with your other foods, then take it out and hold it in a pair of tongs over your stovetop fire for a few minutes to finish it off as broiled.

✓ Egg (Beitzah)
You don’t eat this either. It’s a symbol of the Korban Chagigah, the Festival Offering that used to be brought to the Temple. It, too, just sits on the Seder plate as reminder. Red alert: boil the egg first. Then hold it in tongs over a fire to “broil” or char it. If you try to broil a raw egg, it will explode. Trust me.

For some reason, kids are fascinated by the broiled zroah and beitzah, and they can’t wait to eat them. I’m not sure what’s so appetizing about charred, dry meat and eggs; it’s a kid thing. They can have them at a later Yom Tov meal.

Speaking of eggs, there’s an Ashkenazic custom of eating boiled eggs in salt water at the start of the Seder meal (Shulchan Orech). So if that’s your custom, make sure you have a peeled boiled egg on hand for each Seder participant. You’re allowed to use the salt water from the Seder; just pour a little over the egg before serving.

So I don’t really like hamantashen – but don’t worry, that’s not my confession of the week. My real secret is that …drum roll… I have yet to master making hamantashen. In fact, I have almost given up on it.

I am not sure which came first – my dislike of this particular pastry, or my failure to bake a decent batch. I have been delicately and creatively avoiding the need to make them all these years after my one failed attempt. Yet, if you can believe it, I only tried once. One Purim I tried a recipe from a very reputable cookbook that shall remain nameless. It was not a very good dough, even after two tries, and the taste was worse than the stuff from the bakery, so I just gave up.

But this year, my daughter came home with a soft, sweet, jumbo hamantash that she made with her classmates and teachers in Pre-1A, and I’m thinking – I can do this, I can and I am committed to success! (At least, I’m praying that it won’t turn out too bad.)

My oven mitts are on and I’m coming out swinging! If teacher’s recipe doesn’t yield the perfect homie (that’s Jamie slang for hamantashen – because the darn word is just too hard to spell and too long to say), I’ll go to the many great recipes for homies on this site. (I’m thinking of trying Galiah’s Lemon Meringue Hamantashen – much more suited to my taste buds). It’s time to overcome my fear.

I have a sneaking suspicion there are some special tricks that can help ensure a successful outcome. So, I’m humbly asking for your help. I want to be in the Happy Mommy Baking Hamantashen with Her Children Club. Please share your secrets so I can join.

CONTEST!!! I have a lovely gift basket from Oh Nuts! to give away to one lucky reader. Oh Nuts! makes the most incredible chocolates and candies and have divine hamantaschen too! Gift baskets are not just for Purim – you can enjoy these delectable delights all year round or share the love and send to a friend! How can you be the one to win it? Leave me a comment describing the one KOSHER dish that you are afraid to make and why. Alternatively, leave me a hamantash baking tip to help me make my endeavor successful. [Contest open to US Residents only. Contest closes Wednesday March 23rd at 9 am. Winner will be picked at random from qualifying entries]

As always, many thanks in advance for your help!

Crazy, major, recipe news flash!!

Yesterday we put up FIFTEEN HUNDRED new recipes on our website. That’s 1500 new ideas for you – main dishes, side dishes, desserts and appetizers and everything in between. You name it, we have it.

Have a meander through our recipe section or search for specific topic in the search box.

Purim is coming – just around the corner. Need some ideas?

How about having a Mexican Fiesta Purim Seudah? This article has such awesome ideas for a fun evening. Want to go Persian style? Laura Frankel shares her menu ideas here.

I love home-made candy – learn how to make your own. Need some great ideas for Mishloach Manot and Purim Costumes – read for some great inspiration.

And of course – you need to be getting busy in the kitchen baking hamantaschen. Try one of the following and your mishloach manot will be the yummiest in town.

Cookie Dough Hamantaschen
Yeast Dough Hamantaschen
Ruth Book’s Famous Hamentashen
Honey Cookie Dough Hamantaschen
Super EZ Hamantaschen
Cream Cheese Hamantaschen
Buttery Hamantaschen Dough
Classic Pareve Hamantaschen
Chef Jeff’s White Chocolate and Cherry Hamantaschen

Sometimes it takes me a while to write my confessions. That shouldn’t be surprising, of course. How long would it take you to publicly ‘fess up to devastating moments and inconceivable blunders? So this story is not exactly as fresh as tomorrow’s news – but I must admit it lives in my memory as a perpetual prod for humility.

So I’m in a taxi on my way to FOX 5 for an appearance on a morning show. It’s a cold, rainy morning in December. On a good day with no traffic, it should take about 45 minutes to get to the FOX 5 studios in midtown Manhattan.

But this isn’t a good day, weather-wise or traffic-wise, and the wind reminds me of a tornado in Kansas. I keep expecting to see a witch or Toto fly by. Debris seems to moving at the speed of light; the traffic certainly isn’t.

We’re driving (inching, actually) through Manhattan for two hours and I’m due on air LIVE at 9:52. It’s 9:45 and I am still in the car.

I can’t help thinking about how hard it is to secure a TV appearance for a kosher cookbook author, and how many people I would let down if I don’t make it. For starters, there would be everybody at Kosher.com, my publisher, and my publicist. Most of all, I would be disappointing myself –because I was raised to believe I could do anything, and missing an important chance like this would put a serious dent in my self-image.

We are within a few blocks of the studio and if I stay in this car I will never make it on time. I reason calmly that they could bump me to a later segment in the show, and then realize that the show ends at 10:00 AM. There is no later segment!

Because I was supposed to head straight for the airport after the show (for a tour stop in Chicago) I had brought along a ton of overnight bags. I mean, a girl has to have her makeup; and a few changes of clothes, and two or three pairs of shoes, right? But I just have to get out of this car and run for it, and there is no way I could cover that ground schlepping those bags!

So the driver (an angel sent from Heaven, I think) and I exchange cell phone numbers and I leave everything in the car, and I do mean everything. He says he’ll scoot around until 10:00 and then pick me up to go to the airport.

And I jump out of the car. Bless my husband who sent me off that morning with one of those Mary Poppins umbrellas. I hop out with a 6-foot umbrella in hand to brave the storm and make it to FOX.

Well, I run up one block only to realize I was going west when I should have been going east. So I turn myself around and run down the other way, this time headed due east — only to conclude I was right the first time when I was heading west. Another about-face and I bolt like a mad woman due west, and then my jumbo umbrella flips inside out. So now instead of being 6 feet long, it’s almost 12 feet, and people are looking so I can’t just drop the monster in the middle of the street. I drag it along in full flight. My hair becomes a windblown, sopping mess. As I approach FOX 5, I see the producers waiting for me under the awning. They catch sight of me and burst out laughing.

“Don’t worry,” they shout between cackling, “you have plenty of time.” In TV talk that means I have one minute plus a two-minute commercial break. That’s a full three minutes to make myself presentable. I charge into the ladies’ room to pull myself together. I think my sheitel may have blown backwards during my run, so I plant myself in front of the mirror, fix it firmly in place, and wield my comb like a magic wand.

Then it’s breathe in, breathe out, smile and run on set just as they say, “ACTION!”

Here’s the clip:

(And yes, you cynical New Yorkers, the cab driver did come back with all my stuff and took me to the airport.)

What important event in your life did you almost miss? Leave a comment and let me know.