Hurry children! Find that afikomen, pour the wine, and gather round… it’s Passover time again! Get prepared to stuff your gourd as we showcase some of Passover’s most favored treats.

Matzah: No passover is complete without matzah. Now I’m not talking the more digestable egg matzah…I’m talking straight-up, cardboard, take it like a man matzah.

Tam Tam: With the disappointment of the Manaschewitz plant not reaching full capacity last year, everyone’s eagerly anticipating these matzah-like cracker creations. It would be safe to say our intestines rarely feel the same love… party on!

Horseradish: Part of the traditional seder plate, moror (or raw horseradish) is capable of bringing even the toughest man in the bunch to tears.

The Hillel Sandwich: Hillel used to say of his creation, the world’s oldest sandwhich, “Man this thing is spicy!” Okay, maybe he didn’t. Still, you can’t ignore the alluring combination of matzah, moror and charoset sandwich.

Brisket: Nothing says “I love you” like the breast of a cow–or maybe that’s diamonds. Anyhow, this is one of the more hearty servings of Passover and not just a favorite treat of Texans.

Passover Pizza: Come on, you know you buy this every year. You know it isn’t pizza but the matrix tricks your mind into believing that it is pizza. And after your 10th box of matzah, what is there to complain about? It isn’t half bad.

Kosher Wine: There are some wonderful kosher wines out there just waiting to be tried. Have your 4 required l’chaims and then some.  .

1. It was meant to be. How many people do you know whose name contains the letters to make the word kosher? Barack Hussein Obama’s name does.
2. Though McCain visited the Kotel (or Western Wall), Jerusalem’s holiest site, while touring the Middle East, only Obama was seen roaming the shuks of the city afterwards, Blackberry in one hand and bowl of cholent in the other.

[image credit]

3. Yes, that’s computer generated. It was leaked that this addition to the White House may be in the works. The other option was a bagel.

[image credit]

4. No one will raise a brow when they see him pimping his favorite yarmulke.

[image credit]

[image credit]

5. He’s making all the Israeli papers.

[image credit]

6. Obama genuinely loves the food! Overheard during this photo asking, “What was that your wife put on those fishballs?” “Wouldn’t you like to know,” the elderly man replied.

[image credit]

7. He looks great with an Israeli flag.

[image credit]

Barely having settled into the White House, there have been some surprising developments which may carry serious implications for Presidential staff and the overall running of 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue.

Rabbis were rushed in to kosher the White House kitchen, raising suspicions of Obama having an affection for kosher meals or possibly being of Jewish ancestry himself. His campaign hopes, had this still developing story been leaked, would have been ruined. It served his political aspirations better posing as a Christian until in office.

[image credit]

Obama’s natural affection for American food seems to have implications for us as well. Cheeseburgers will soon be served with soy-cheese, expect KFC (renamed Kosher Fried Chicken) to become a government subsidy, all chili contests to be devoid of pork based entries, a significant bacon tax (it’s killing you anyway), and for Obama to renounce his affinity for shrimp and grits.  Go kosher if you like Barack, but low cholesterol isn’t for everyone and you can’t expect unhealthy Americans to embrace your diet after decades of clogging their colons.

[image credit]

While we doubt Obama has any affiliation with Judaism, he definitely loves kosher foods. Obama getting on the kosher bandwagon will only improve the health of  his other staff members. As for the rest of us Americans, while capable of embracing certain kosher standards, if he ever expects to get re-elected, he better at least ax the bacon tax. That one may even lead to anarachy.